We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
