at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize