too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
