Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
