The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
