Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
