So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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