i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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