how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My pussy is not your playground.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
