but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
