need another drink. this is the easiest way
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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