Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
