apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
