im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
