ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
