My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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