i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
