All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize