Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
