if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize