You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
