using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
