does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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