...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize