Barsexuality is the new black.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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