Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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