She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
