I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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