Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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