Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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