Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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