Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
