of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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