I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
