NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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