got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
