I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
