:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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