Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
