So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
