Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
