he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
