Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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