i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
