so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
