We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize