Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
40s are totally the cure
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
