Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
God, I missed his penis.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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