Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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