We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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