dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
