I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize