Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize