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• (260): View more from Indiana

  So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Are your eyes okay

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I mean if I was Asian they would be

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

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• (407): View more from Florida

  He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about

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• (917): View more from New York City

  half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.

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• (436): View more from

  He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Oh dear. Sending much love.

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  Just send a machete.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Dude you promised

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.

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