It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
ttyl tear gas
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
the liver wants what the liver wants
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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