in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Bring me that man meat
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
