oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
