You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
