you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
