I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
