I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
