So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
