Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize