my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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