You made me cry and you don't even care
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize