just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
