Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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