As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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