you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
