Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
