6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
