found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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