like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
