Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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