literally had 100 drinks last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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