This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
