My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The feeling are messing with the penis
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
