I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
