there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
