you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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