I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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