Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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