There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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