How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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