so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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