Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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