I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
