The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
