O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
