I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
