party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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