maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
