I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mom said you looked used
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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