between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
