i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
