I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
