Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
