in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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