Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
