i permit you to call me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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