You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
