is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
