i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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