Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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