I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
