I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
People in love make me want to vomit
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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