I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
