Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
