Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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