i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
