none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize