just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
