she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
