everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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