Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
